There are times when I feel like I hate myself…
I hate myself when I realize that in my in my own efforts to achieve great things for my own self, in attempts to make my own dreams come true in my own unrealistic fairy world, till that I’ve let the special people in my life suffer…
Like when I become self-center, and start to hold on to my own life assuming that they are hanging on just fine, while in fact they are not. It’s embarrassing to accept that fact that they always show up when I need them, but I am not there for them when they need me, just because I am occupied doing my own thing in my own stupid world. I am an evil…
I hate myself for not being able to be someone they see, to be everything they want me to be, and most importantly I hate myself for being so selfish that I kinda take people for granted. Like when I love myself kind of too much till that I overlook the importance of those who love me for who I am, and end up forgetting to remind myself that if tomorrow, they are not around, my whole world would cease to exist…
I feel sorry for them, and I feel sorry for myself. Even the ways I write also sound selfish… I just don’t deserve their loves and care for me at all, I really don’t. I wish I could give them more of myself, and I wish I could stop myself from being so selfish.
Sometimes I feel like I care for people kinda too much until I got hurt to see my love and care I have for them left unappreciated, but still, life is fooling me around. For once I am the one to care for them, and for once I am the one to neglect their loves for me. Kinda funny =,=
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Selfishness
Posted by Barbie at 11:46 AM
Labels: Frustration
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12 Lovely Comment(s):
Dont think in such way, in order to get something, have to sacrifice something...
"to be someone they see, to be everything they want me to be". i find this a dangerous thought, princess. you are who you are, you mustn't change yourself for others, but only for yourself. else you'll be drained trying to be "perfect" for everyone else, but not yourself.
maybe you can try adjusting that "selfishness" that you're talking about. being a smart girl you are, i believe there is a balance you can achieve. maybe be there for them when they needed you from now on ?? it may not be much, but its definitely a start. you can do it, princess. ;)
my baby princess..don't be too sad...n dun keep putting blame on yourself....every one is selfish ....
Sometimes we just couldn't accept it..
Baby ..cheer up...
BB always stay beside u...
what YinYin said is true, everyone is selfish in their own way. in fact, at some times, i am selfish too. i admit it. but we must not let this selfishness conquer our mind. what we must practice is "to give and take". i hope that you will stop blaming yourselves. there are many others out there who are more selfish (and evil) than you do, REALLY! you have not see the worse cases.
barbie, now, stop hating yourself, and stop thinking that you take things for granted etc etc. what levian said is true as well, you can try to adjust the selfishness. you are a smart girl and i am sure you will be able to balance your life. we are here to support you!
Dear barbie, stop hating yourself.
I faced those situation before, we only need to recover as a new one darling. dont let yourself down ya?
Gambatte dear!
Hug.
Kiss.
You should not be someone they want you to be. Be someone who you really are!!
ah hmmm.. hard to understand what u write. i can see u r serious in this post. So guees what? I am not serious. haha. I mean my english is not good as u already know so it hard for me to understand. (My dic: count howmany word i wrote wrong haha). (wish one day i stop crazy lol probably until i find a person who make me stop crazy)...
long time no see. sounds you have another problem??
Be happy GIRL! And be HAPPY! make yourself Happy! You can only think of being happy.
Princess dear, plz plz dont think too much okay, well, but its good to scream it out in this blogger :) Just scream it out if it make u stress or depress :)
My dearie Princess.....What happened?? Wanna share with me?? Don't be sad k? U know I will always be here by ur side~!! Now and forever.....Stay tough k? cheer up baby girl!! I love you....muax!!
Barbie, sometimes we need to reward ourselves for things we do... and sometimes we need to pamper ourselves without taking into consideration other's happiness first. Every individual needs time, space, and price for all their efforts. Don't feel sorry for them, you just entertained yourself first before others. That's what its all about, and we all do that!!!
Actually you are not selfish,but maybe somtimes people around you,especially the ones who love you so mcuh,take too much time and efforts spend on you and you feel and find it hard to be accepted for just a glance of thought,but regretness and sorrow will wander around your mind afterwards.
Merely holding that thought,you can be judged and assumped that you are a not selfish person.
Rgds,
Bun Khang
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